Have you tried hard to work it out for years, but it doesn’t work? You’ve been thinking about your marriage for a long time, and now, you want to end it. Somehow you are tired and done trying to make it work. Then you must make up your mind about what exactly you want in life. Remember, it’s a long road, and with two people involved, you never know how tumultuous or smooth the process will be. But remember, you can do your part and try to make it as smooth as possible.
There is no easy answer to anything, but you can surely keep these suggestions in mind to try and make the tough conversation simple.
You must be prepared for the ‘D’ conversation – Before starting the conversation, you must have a vague idea of how your spouse feels in the marriage. Has he dropped the ‘D’ bomb before? Does he get uncomfortable? How is your relationship going? When you live with a person, you somewhat understand your relationship and where it is going. You may also try visiting a therapist or a marriage counselor to help understand your feelings better and prepare for the conversation. They allow you to think through situations by overcoming your emotions.
Time and place – It is essential to consider the timing of starting this conversation. Your spouse might be undergoing some rough times at work. Work pressure, losing projects, changing jobs, or even sensitive times of sickness and death in the family. If your spouse is overwhelmed with things, it is better to avoid the ‘D’ conversation. It would be a bad idea to begin a conversation during such times. The place is equally important as your time. You can’t expect to walk away by stating you want a divorce. You both need to sit down and have some space for this conversation.
Gentle and firm – Be prepared to have this conversation gently and calmly. Remember, the discussion you are about to have would be enough to make situations go out of control. It is not a good idea if you start it out of anger and frustration and expect your spouse to respond calmly. Meanwhile, be firm in your decision as you have thought it through, and there’s no turning back. Leading the conversation peacefully will help you be mindful and not rush into things. Then give them some time to take in the news.
Ready for spouse’s reaction – Your spouse might be in shock or already aware of it. You must be clear that none of your discussions is blamed on your spouse or lead to a fight. The discussion should be subtle, with no direct blame. Give them some time and try to empathize, as it can be a shocker to your spouse.
Seek help – Discussion can unleash your emotions, and you might need some help. It can be a lot to deal with, as parting ways with someone you love is the hardest. It can be an emotional roller coaster for both, as the whole process is overwhelming.
Don’t discuss the details – However, if you and your spouse are on the same page, remember to play it safe. Please do not take it further by discussing the division of assets, property, and more. It is best to consult an attorney than talk about anything beforehand. The attorney will analyze likely possibilities that can work in your favor.
If you want a divorce and need help during the whole process, our experienced attorneys can help you. They will do a thorough examination of your case and will work in your best interests. To get started, schedule an appointment at (480) 470-3030.