Both parents are vital for children regardless of unfortunate circumstances. Divorce can be hard for kids, as watching their family break up is difficult. When children are raised in a family where their parents love them, it is not easy to witness parents part ways with each other. In some instances, divorces happen when the child is young without any substantial memory of one of their parents. Even in those situations, while growing up, children learn about their other missing parent when they watch their peers accompany both their parents. Children are confused and try to look for answers. Some of the questions bothering children can be:
- Who is my father?
- Is he coming back?
- Does he know I exist?
- Does he love and miss me?
- Can I see him?
Often children think that the world revolves around them. Everything happens to them because they are the cause or related to it. We understand it is not easy to talk about the missing parent when you are already filled with strong feelings toward your ex. It may be entirely negative, and not letting it overpower a rational conversation with your child requires time. Your child may wonder if it is taboo to talk about their father, but when you feel it is time, you must speak.
Communication is the key
It is essential to open a communication channel to help you understand your child’s feelings and how they process everything. This would help in your child’s overall personality development. You don’t want your child to keep bothering themselves and keep their feelings to themselves forever. They might end up blaming or hurting themselves for the absence of their father. Every child processes differently, and it can be a challenge if they are not talkative about their feelings. This opening up will help both ways, as your child deserves to know what happened to their missing parent.
Do not talk ill of another parent
Divorce is complicated and can ultimately turn your life around. We get it you are hurt and are taking one day at a time by joining those broken bits of yourself. It is physically and mentally overwhelming, and you will have strong negative feelings for your ex. However, venting or speaking ill about the missing parent in front of the child is not the best idea. Your child has all the right to know the truth as to why your ex left. It would help if you were honest about the reason for leaving, no matter how hard it is, but you should convey it in a simplified manner. That it happens, and the child is not responsible for anything.
Validate your child’s feeling
If your child is angry toward their father, you may alleviate by apologizing that the father could not be more present and how you wish it wouldn’t have been the case. Do not try to minimize or take away their feelings. Tell your child that it is okay to be sad and mad and give them time. If you can manage a child therapist, it may help your child.
Focus on the good qualities
Do not let your child think wrong about their father. The child may also believe they possess such inherent ill qualities as their father. It is the worst a child can think of and can affect their personality development.
Identify the father figures in their life
Sometimes, a son does not want to open up about certain things in their life to their mother. This is when they need someone they can lean to that may be a phone call away or can spend some good time with. They need to have someone they can turn to when they are uncomfortable sharing certain things with you.
We hope this can help you in some ways to start with, and in case you require assistance in pursuing a modification to your current parenting plan, our experienced family law attorneys are here to help. So, schedule a consultation with Shaffer Family Law at (480) 470-3030 today.