Tips from Chandler family law attorney

Summer is almost over! It is time to return to school, and we understand you will likely feel the rush. It is common to be stressed ahead of the school year for parents and children. However, what’s even more stressful is if the parents have decided to part ways this summer. It can take a whole different toll on the family altogether. Divorce is never easy. It is hard to express how painful divorce is when it happens to you. It is emotionally and physically challenging as parting ways with someone you’ve loved the most is difficult. It affects you and your partner, and if you have children, they become the worst victim. Children can have extreme or mixed feelings about their parent’s divorce. Some children completely shut down without expressing themselves and look for ways to deal with the situation, such as drugs. While some struggle, and it reflects in their behavior or attitude. It is tough to see parents separating and what the future may look like.

To ensure your children’s best interests are considered, you must inform them about your decisions. It is best not to share every detail, but they have the right to know what’s happening. To make things smooth for your child, it is best to be on the same page with your ex-spouse. Some suggestions for divorced parents are to start the school year without hiccups.

• Inform the school – As parents, if you’ve decided to part ways, inform the school authorities. Nobody is asking to share every detail with the school but talking about separation will make things easier for your child at school too. Schools can add both the parents to mailing lists, such as newsletters, school updates, field trips, etc. This helps both parents to be equally part of their child’s school routine and curriculum and will not have to struggle for information at the last minute. Both can request the school teacher to attend parent-teacher meetings so they are up to date with their child’s school progress.
• Use a shared online calendar – It is good to keep a reminder of your child’s school field trips or visit with their parent. Moreover, all the school-related activities can be tracked, such as exams, report cards, and information that parents should know.
• House rules – It is suggested to follow similar regulations such as screen time, homework, or bedtime and should be discussed among both parents before implementing any rules. It is not a good idea for one parent to have such house rules while the other parent loosens up. For child’s best interest, they should be disciplined in both houses and not given an idea to differentiate between their parents.
• Supply list – Both parents must take up the responsibility for individual tasks, so there’s no overlap. It is best to split the lists; the child should go with each parent and get the items. In such a case, it avoids extra items or missing out on things in such cases.

If you need help navigating through the divorce process, schedule a consultation with Shaffer Family Law at (480) 470-3030 today.

Divorce is difficult no matter at what stage you decide to part ways. It is not easy to lose someone you loved and had a good time with. Divorce is a long road from emotional and financial aspects. It’s not just your marital status; your entire life turns around. If you have children, they will likely suffer as seeing their parents part ways. Parents must ensure their child’s safety and best interests during a divorce. As both parents decide to move on, it becomes essential to think through how the child would react and how their life would be. If parents do not assess the situation thoroughly, the whole process can become complicated. Divorce is tough, period!

There are many things that a friend can do during such difficult times.

Listen to Them

Sometimes people need someone to listen to them no matter what. Don’t worry; they do not need answers or advice, but maybe they want to hear that they are not alone.

Help Them in Moving

Moving is a strenuous and exhausting process. With children, your responsibilities and tasks increase. Packing stuff can make you emotional, and comfort and support can help ease the process.

Invite Them Over, even if They Say No

It can be difficult for people to be left alone suddenly. Hang out with mutual friends or try to make plans with them, even if they disagree. Some people will not have the energy to socialize or need to, but you can step in and encourage them to go out.

Don’t Talk Ill About Their Ex

Remember to stay calm and composed no matter how much you want to talk trash about your friend’s ex. Avoid any ill talks as one day your friend might talk negatively about their ex, and the next day it can be the opposite. Listen to them and validate your friend’s emotions rather than emphasizing your opinions.

Help Them Out

You can take them to the doctor if they are sick. If your friend needs someone to take care of their child as they have some urgent appointment, you can step in. Dog sitting or other things, you can always step in to help if they find it difficult to manage expenses or trust someone until they figure it out.

Stop By for a Meal

Surprise them by bringing food over for dinner or maybe just a pizza to talk over things.

Don’t Push Them for Details

Everyone functions differently and has their way of dealing with grief; some people are open about it while others are not. Do not encourage or bug them whenever they are unwilling to talk.

If your friend is going through a divorce and needs legal consultation, you can reach out to Shaffer Family Law and schedule an appointment at (480) 470-3030.

Child abuse doesn’t only refer to extreme behavior by the parents. Any activity or behavior threatening a child’s physical and emotional well-being is considered abuse. It includes verbal abuse as emotional trauma, while bruises, cuts, and scratches are physical abuse. Any abuse can lead to emotional trauma, and the impact can be everlasting on the child. It can deter a child’s self-confidence, future relations, and ability to function at home or school.

Child abuse can lead to trust issues. If the child is abused, they will find it hard to trust anyone; if parents break their child’s trust, then whom should the child trust. It becomes difficult to trust anybody in future relationships. If the child is belittled, imagine how difficult it can be to overcome such feelings. They might even think they are worthless and may neglect their education and end up with low-paying jobs. It becomes challenging for abused children to express themselves and may keep everything with them. It may act out in other forms and even develop anxiety or depression. They may turn to drugs or alcohol to numb those feelings.

There are different forms of abuse physical, sexual, emotional, and child neglect.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse means hitting, bruising, kicking, or causing bodily harm to the child.

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse is complicated as it has many layers of guilt and shame. It is not always about physical contact but the environment you are exposed to. Children are too afraid to come forward as they think nobody would believe them. 

Emotional Abuse

Words can hurt a lot, and constant negative comments, belittling, shaming, comparing the child to others, and calling them worthless are hurtful. Ignoring the child, threats, no physical contact like hugs, kisses, etc., and even exposing the child to violence against others can severely damage the child’s mental health and social development.

Child Neglect

It is about not being able to provide proper food, clothing, shelter, health insurance, and other necessities. Sometimes it is not conspicuous, any illness like depression or anxiety, and if you are not involved and part of your child’s life, you neglect them.

Child abuse and neglect can happen in any family, but certain situations make a greater risk.

• Domestic violence – If the parent is abused and tries to protect the child, it can still damage the child’s mental health or social development.
• Lack of parenting skills – Some caregivers never learned the necessary skills for good parenting. For instance, teen parents might have unrealistic expectations about how much care babies and small children need; parents who have been victims of child abuse may only know how to raise their children similarly.
• Substance abuse – Parents who are drunk or high may be unable to take care of their children, leading to physical abuse.
• Stress or lack of support – Parenting is a stressful job if you’re raising children without the support of family or friends. So, children with special needs, disabilities, or problematic behaviors are also challenging and require support.

Have you tried hard to work it out for years, but it doesn’t work? You’ve been thinking about your marriage for a long time, and now, you want to end it. Somehow you are tired and done trying to make it work. Then you must make up your mind about what exactly you want in life. Remember, it’s a long road, and with two people involved, you never know how tumultuous or smooth the process will be. But remember, you can do your part and try to make it as smooth as possible.

There is no easy answer to anything, but you can surely keep these suggestions in mind to try and make the tough conversation simple.

You must be prepared for the ‘D’ conversation – Before starting the conversation, you must have a vague idea of how your spouse feels in the marriage. Has he dropped the ‘D’ bomb before? Does he get uncomfortable? How is your relationship going? When you live with a person, you somewhat understand your relationship and where it is going. You may also try visiting a therapist or a marriage counselor to help understand your feelings better and prepare for the conversation. They allow you to think through situations by overcoming your emotions.  

Time and place – It is essential to consider the timing of starting this conversation. Your spouse might be undergoing some rough times at work. Work pressure, losing projects, changing jobs, or even sensitive times of sickness and death in the family. If your spouse is overwhelmed with things, it is better to avoid the ‘D’ conversation. It would be a bad idea to begin a conversation during such times. The place is equally important as your time. You can’t expect to walk away by stating you want a divorce. You both need to sit down and have some space for this conversation.

Gentle and firm – Be prepared to have this conversation gently and calmly. Remember, the discussion you are about to have would be enough to make situations go out of control. It is not a good idea if you start it out of anger and frustration and expect your spouse to respond calmly. Meanwhile, be firm in your decision as you have thought it through, and there’s no turning back. Leading the conversation peacefully will help you be mindful and not rush into things. Then give them some time to take in the news.

Ready for spouse’s reaction – Your spouse might be in shock or already aware of it. You must be clear that none of your discussions is blamed on your spouse or lead to a fight. The discussion should be subtle, with no direct blame. Give them some time and try to empathize, as it can be a shocker to your spouse.

Seek help – Discussion can unleash your emotions, and you might need some help. It can be a lot to deal with, as parting ways with someone you love is the hardest. It can be an emotional roller coaster for both, as the whole process is overwhelming.

Don’t discuss the details – However, if you and your spouse are on the same page, remember to play it safe. Please do not take it further by discussing the division of assets, property, and more. It is best to consult an attorney than talk about anything beforehand. The attorney will analyze likely possibilities that can work in your favor.

If you want a divorce and need help during the whole process, our experienced attorneys can help you. They will do a thorough examination of your case and will work in your best interests. To get started, schedule an appointment at (480) 470-3030.       

The thought of coming to terms with the most difficult feelings is unimaginable! Death, divorce, or the things you are attached to the most is the hardest of all. It is one of the most challenging phases of life and good enough to break you down emotionally. You muster the courage to rise above the shame, embarrassment, and the thought of what people would think comes in most people’s lives, but it usually takes time. It is often confusing for parties involved as living in the situation and telling it to people is a whole different challenge altogether. It requires courage to fight back your emotions and be open to everyone, as once you tell your family and friends, there are likely chances they would understand, they won’t, or maybe you would get mixed reactions.

How to open up to family and friends about divorce?

Telling Your Family

If you have children, confronting them about the whole situation is essential. They need to know the reason for sudden changes in their lives as they are part of it. Hence, their lives would be affected and should not be excluded from any conversations or decisions. Children should know about their parent’s separation, and whatever they feel should be discussed without any hesitations. Every child is different and can react according to their personality; some may be emotional, confused, or even have extreme reactions and shut down entirely after the news. 

Even if one is part of a separation or not, divorced parties should tell the news to their loved ones – parents. Remember, sharing each detail is not helpful; setting the context and sharing the news is better. Try to keep things private and ask others too. Do not speak ill of your partner, and make sure you don’t do it in the future. Some parents will support you in the decision, while others may have mixed reactions depending on your relationship. How long did your relationship last? Your spouse’s relationship with your parents and other things may shape your parents’ reactions. It may or may not be a long road for the parties involved.

Telling Your Friends

It becomes the hardest to share if you and your spouse have common friends. Friends are the common factor, who will be aware of both sides of the story, and it can be tough for them too. There are likely chances that the friend would take sides of the person they are closest to. When such a situation arises, it becomes complicated to be a part of the group or hang out together as either would lookout for ways to avoid certain awkwardness. Likely, an end to your friendship with others. However, this is something you can’t escape from, and the sooner you accept, the better you will be. You must respect it and try to make things smoother without any escalations. This will only help you and your state of mind. Remember, some friends will stand through thick and thin no matter what happens. Keeping your friends or other support systems close during tough times is essential.

It will help if you do not lose hope and be strong and mindful during such difficult times. Being swayed away by emotions will do more harm than good. If you are considering divorcing your spouse and need help during the whole process, our experienced attorneys can help you. They will do a thorough examination of your case and will work in your best interests. To get started, schedule an appointment at (480) 470-3030.

Divorce is difficult for everyone, and if children are involved, they are worst affected by it. A child’s well-being becomes a primary concern. Parents must ensure that their child is safe, loved, and protected throughout the divorce. It is advised to work according to the child’s best interests. A child needs both parents for significant social, psychological, and overall growth. It is always better for a child to have both parents in their life than just one. However, each spouse’s situation differs, but the whole idea is just the well-being of their child. Therefore, joint legal custody is ideal for parents who are willing to work out with each other for their child’s best interests. It means both parents share legal custody of their child and have legal rights to make decisions for their children in education, healthcare, extracurricular activities, and religion.  

Benefits of Joint Custody

Set Up Parenting Time for a Healthy Routine

Setting up a routine depending on respective schedules is a good habit. Parents can decide on the days their child will be visiting each parent. It allows for planning activities in advance that they wish to do with their child. Also, work around time off days, accordingly. The child can spend quality time with both parents. It is beneficial for both after all, parents love their children and want to be part of their lives.

Discipline Your Child Together

Disciplining your child is crucial for their overall development. Be it joys or difficult times, both parents need to be involved in their child’s life to make them feel loved and protected. Both parents sharing responsibilities will give no leeway to the child and not allow them to blame the other parent. It is essential to inculcate values and responsibilities in your child at a young age. A great understanding between parents and children is a sign of a healthy relationship.

Share the Expenses

Joint custody means sharing legal responsibilities of your child, including expenses. As the child visits both parents, specific needs arise at any moment, such as some stationery for a project or other things. Each parent must cover the of the child when with them. However, in a situation like when the child has been with an ex-spouse for a week and visits you with an urgent need to pay for a field trip, it must be divided.

More Time for Yourself

This is more like time off, and you can spend time doing what you like. Moreover, self-care is quite essential. You can plan outings with friends or participate in social clubs or activities.

Helps Your Child Understand Each Parent’s Individual Strengths

Both parents have legal rights to make decisions for their children. They will do accordingly, keeping in mind the best interest. It allows your kids to see the individual strengths of parents in making their relationships work. 

Divorce is difficult no matter at what stage you decide to part ways. It is not easy to lose someone you have loved and had a good time together. You’ve had some good times and embraced each other during adverse times. Divorce is a long road from emotional and financial aspects.

What is Alimony?

Alimony means payment and maintenance of a spouse, either by lump sum or ongoing basis in a divorce or legal separation. The idea is to provide alimony, support your spouse with lower income, and provide them with similar living standards enjoyed during their marriage. It is difficult for couples to come to terms emotionally during separation but gets even tougher with what follows. There are several questions about alimony and how it works. It can be either a court’s order or even a mutual agreement to support after the divorce. Remember, states use a different terms for alimony, such as spousal support or maintenance, but they all mean the same thing. State laws on alimony determine how it works, how judges decide when to award spousal support, and how much.

Who Gets Alimony?

Remember, it is not always about husbands must pay the alimony to support their wives. It can be done either way, for example, if the wife earns well and the husband needs support. It all depends on the spouse, and if they have a lower income and need financial help, they can ask for alimony. Meanwhile, alimony does not mean equalizing a divorced couple’s financial situation. It simply means to make sure that both spouses meet their financial needs.

Who Decides Alimony?

A judge weighs in many factors before deciding on alimony. They look at the earnings of both parties and if the party paying alimony can manage it. Also, whether the requesting party genuinely needs it or not. There are times people are ingenuine about their earnings to extract money. The party must request alimony rather than thinking they will get it by default. 

How Does Alimony Work?

If the court decides it, a date is fixed on which a specific amount is sent/received. Sometimes it is weekly or bi-weekly. The alimony payments will continue unless a life-changing event happens for the supported spouse, such as remarriage, cohabitating with another adult, a new-high paying job, retirement, or death.

Can You Avoid it?

Having a prenuptial agreement before or post-nuptial during the marriage can be helpful. The prenuptial or post-nuptial agreements include how much the alimony would be, how long you have to pay, and whether to write checks or use automatic payments. It is usually much easier to come to terms with agreements in a loving relationship than when going through a divorce. Shaffer Family Law can help you navigate through such difficult times. Our experienced legal attorneys can help you with legal advice in your best interests.

Teenagers are going through a lot with studies, peer pressure, hormonal changes, acne, and much more. To add a divorce can be a lot. Divorce is difficult no matter at what stage you decide to part ways. It is not easy to lose someone you have loved and had a good time together. You’ve had some good times and embraced each other during adverse times too.

Remember, children suffer a lot during a divorce. It becomes even more complicated when they are involved. To process parents parting ways is equally disturbing for children. Often younger children can express their dissatisfaction over divorce and the ongoing changes in their lives, but teenagers go into their shells and become stoic about the whole situation. Younger children’s behavior may vary depending on their personalities; some are likely to wet the bed while others may show in their behaviors. Teenagers are more likely to become distant from parents and show disapproval of their actions. They are more likely to rebel and find respite in substance abuse and other harmful things. They are undergoing several emotions and are more likely to act hastily and hurt their parents. It may be true for some but not all teenagers.

Teenagers are more likely to hide their emotions and their overall opinion. Imagine how teenagers feel when they must see one parent way lesser than the other. No matter how much more time they want to spend with their parent, they become quiet about it. Remember, it is difficult for everyone, and being a parent, it is your responsibility to make your teenager feel loved and part of everything. Here are some ways to ensure your children do not feel neglected but loved and part of your decisions.

Talk To Your Teenager

It is not easy for your teenager to witness both parents part ways. A teenager wants a loving home with both parents, and divorce can surround them with negative thoughts to the extent that they are responsible for it. It would help if you did not wait for them to understand the whole situation independently. It is your responsibility to talk and let them know the reason behind ongoing changes.

Be Supportive

Not only informing them but listening to them without any judgments as they would be affected by it. They must have their friends in the neighborhood or be involved in extracurricular activities such as music, arts, dance, self-defense training, and more. Moving to a new place and leaving behind older connections can be challenging. It would help if you assured them that they would get a chance to meet their old friends.

Give Them Space

Teens meeting family members or friends to share their feelings would allow them to express themselves in a safe environment. Putting restrictions and new ground rules can be challenging for them. It is better to let them have some space. 

Counselor

To seek guidance or help from a counselor to help your teenager through the whole divorce process. This allows teenagers to open up about what’s going on and how they feel about it. This would help them share their feelings and seek support in such critical times.             

Divorce is a long road, and if you are at the crossroads of your marriage, it is time to seek counseling and legal advice. Our attorneys are experts and provide legal advice in your and your family’s best interests. Schedule a consultation with Shaffer Family Law at (480) 470-3030  today.

No matter what one says otherwise, divorces are tough! If children, property, alimony, family pets, and other things are involved, it may be more challenging to sort out depending on the situation. It is hard to go through a divorce, both financially and emotionally. Even if you are familiar with divorce, it is not evident that everyone understands how the divorce process works. Without a thorough understanding, you won’t be able to make an informed decision on whether to litigate in court or settle your divorce out of court.

Each Case is Different

Divorces are different in each circumstance, so you can’t take cues from other people’s experiences. Some cases may be simple without any complications depending on both parties and how they deal with it, whereas the rest may not be. Depending on the extent of divorce, it can last months or even years and can involve many professionals in the process. Sometimes, a case may involve divorce attorneys, accountants, real estate experts, and consultants. Remember, much work goes in before both parties are willing to negotiate what they want from the divorce.

Negotiations Can Turn Tables 

Nearly 90-95% of divorce cases rarely move to trial. So, it entirely depends on both the parties and how much they are willing to negotiate in each circumstance. If a party is unwilling to negotiate to the other party’s terms in a divorce, they will find ways to either try or take it to court. It will all come down to negotiations and what works best for each party in a divorce.

If you are thinking of divorce, it is advisable to make an informed decision at every step of your life. Once you’ve made up your mind, going about the process is the most crucial part of it. This is where legal attorneys can help you navigate through the process. Our legal attorneys can help you at every step during such difficult times of your life. Remember, our experienced attorneys will ensure that every informed decision works out in your and your family’s best interests.

Shaffer Family Law can help and always thinks in your and your family’s best interests. To schedule a consultation, contact Shaffer Family Law at (480) 470-3030.          

When you are in love, age becomes just a number. Couples do not feel the difference in how old or young their partners are, as such things don’t mean anything compared to their relationships. It is said that when two people are dating, their romance overshadows all the differences. That’s how it goes, but honestly, it isn’t as simple as it sounds. There are differences among family members or friends who share different perspectives about such relationships. For example, sometimes family members or friends will judge a couple with more than ten years of difference where the man is older or vice-versa.

Research suggests men prefer to be older in their relationships and are more likely to divorce if they marry an older woman. At the same time, women are more likely to move forward with divorce if they are younger in their relationships. Studies show that people married at a young age are more likely to divorce. For example, if you are just 21 years old and consider marrying someone in their 30s, you could find yourself eventually heading to court. People with educational backgrounds and the same age are less likely to divorce. 

Are couples with age gaps likely to divorce? Well, maybe, but there is no straight answer! Also, there is no single reason to justify it. Several factors contribute to divorce and are not solely based on age. The others could be children, career, finances, and more. If there is a significant age gap between husband and wife, there is a chance that the older among the two may refuse to have children. People are wired differently, and age gap relationships don’t always end up on the same page. They could find themselves in different places in life. One person may be thinking about their career, while the other would be thinking about retirement due to their age. They might have been on the same page at the beginning of their relationship, but as time goes on, things change.

Divorce can be complex! If you or someone you know are thinking about divorcing your partner and need any help, our attorneys can help you navigate and provide you with legal advice in your best interests. You may schedule a consultation (480) 470-3030 to learn how we can help you during this difficult time.