Tips from Chandler family law attorney

Have you tried hard to work it out for years, but it doesn’t work? You’ve been thinking about your marriage for a long time, and now, you want to end it. Somehow you are tired and done trying to make it work. Then you must make up your mind about what exactly you want in life. Remember, it’s a long road, and with two people involved, you never know how tumultuous or smooth the process will be. But remember, you can do your part and try to make it as smooth as possible.

There is no easy answer to anything, but you can surely keep these suggestions in mind to try and make the tough conversation simple.

You must be prepared for the ‘D’ conversation – Before starting the conversation, you must have a vague idea of how your spouse feels in the marriage. Has he dropped the ‘D’ bomb before? Does he get uncomfortable? How is your relationship going? When you live with a person, you somewhat understand your relationship and where it is going. You may also try visiting a therapist or a marriage counselor to help understand your feelings better and prepare for the conversation. They allow you to think through situations by overcoming your emotions.  

Time and place – It is essential to consider the timing of starting this conversation. Your spouse might be undergoing some rough times at work. Work pressure, losing projects, changing jobs, or even sensitive times of sickness and death in the family. If your spouse is overwhelmed with things, it is better to avoid the ‘D’ conversation. It would be a bad idea to begin a conversation during such times. The place is equally important as your time. You can’t expect to walk away by stating you want a divorce. You both need to sit down and have some space for this conversation.

Gentle and firm – Be prepared to have this conversation gently and calmly. Remember, the discussion you are about to have would be enough to make situations go out of control. It is not a good idea if you start it out of anger and frustration and expect your spouse to respond calmly. Meanwhile, be firm in your decision as you have thought it through, and there’s no turning back. Leading the conversation peacefully will help you be mindful and not rush into things. Then give them some time to take in the news.

Ready for spouse’s reaction – Your spouse might be in shock or already aware of it. You must be clear that none of your discussions is blamed on your spouse or lead to a fight. The discussion should be subtle, with no direct blame. Give them some time and try to empathize, as it can be a shocker to your spouse.

Seek help – Discussion can unleash your emotions, and you might need some help. It can be a lot to deal with, as parting ways with someone you love is the hardest. It can be an emotional roller coaster for both, as the whole process is overwhelming.

Don’t discuss the details – However, if you and your spouse are on the same page, remember to play it safe. Please do not take it further by discussing the division of assets, property, and more. It is best to consult an attorney than talk about anything beforehand. The attorney will analyze likely possibilities that can work in your favor.

If you want a divorce and need help during the whole process, our experienced attorneys can help you. They will do a thorough examination of your case and will work in your best interests. To get started, schedule an appointment at (480) 470-3030.       

The thought of coming to terms with the most difficult feelings is unimaginable! Death, divorce, or the things you are attached to the most is the hardest of all. It is one of the most challenging phases of life and good enough to break you down emotionally. You muster the courage to rise above the shame, embarrassment, and the thought of what people would think comes in most people’s lives, but it usually takes time. It is often confusing for parties involved as living in the situation and telling it to people is a whole different challenge altogether. It requires courage to fight back your emotions and be open to everyone, as once you tell your family and friends, there are likely chances they would understand, they won’t, or maybe you would get mixed reactions.

How to open up to family and friends about divorce?

Telling Your Family

If you have children, confronting them about the whole situation is essential. They need to know the reason for sudden changes in their lives as they are part of it. Hence, their lives would be affected and should not be excluded from any conversations or decisions. Children should know about their parent’s separation, and whatever they feel should be discussed without any hesitations. Every child is different and can react according to their personality; some may be emotional, confused, or even have extreme reactions and shut down entirely after the news. 

Even if one is part of a separation or not, divorced parties should tell the news to their loved ones – parents. Remember, sharing each detail is not helpful; setting the context and sharing the news is better. Try to keep things private and ask others too. Do not speak ill of your partner, and make sure you don’t do it in the future. Some parents will support you in the decision, while others may have mixed reactions depending on your relationship. How long did your relationship last? Your spouse’s relationship with your parents and other things may shape your parents’ reactions. It may or may not be a long road for the parties involved.

Telling Your Friends

It becomes the hardest to share if you and your spouse have common friends. Friends are the common factor, who will be aware of both sides of the story, and it can be tough for them too. There are likely chances that the friend would take sides of the person they are closest to. When such a situation arises, it becomes complicated to be a part of the group or hang out together as either would lookout for ways to avoid certain awkwardness. Likely, an end to your friendship with others. However, this is something you can’t escape from, and the sooner you accept, the better you will be. You must respect it and try to make things smoother without any escalations. This will only help you and your state of mind. Remember, some friends will stand through thick and thin no matter what happens. Keeping your friends or other support systems close during tough times is essential.

It will help if you do not lose hope and be strong and mindful during such difficult times. Being swayed away by emotions will do more harm than good. If you are considering divorcing your spouse and need help during the whole process, our experienced attorneys can help you. They will do a thorough examination of your case and will work in your best interests. To get started, schedule an appointment at (480) 470-3030.

Divorce is difficult for everyone, and if children are involved, they are worst affected by it. A child’s well-being becomes a primary concern. Parents must ensure that their child is safe, loved, and protected throughout the divorce. It is advised to work according to the child’s best interests. A child needs both parents for significant social, psychological, and overall growth. It is always better for a child to have both parents in their life than just one. However, each spouse’s situation differs, but the whole idea is just the well-being of their child. Therefore, joint legal custody is ideal for parents who are willing to work out with each other for their child’s best interests. It means both parents share legal custody of their child and have legal rights to make decisions for their children in education, healthcare, extracurricular activities, and religion.  

Benefits of Joint Custody

Set Up Parenting Time for a Healthy Routine

Setting up a routine depending on respective schedules is a good habit. Parents can decide on the days their child will be visiting each parent. It allows for planning activities in advance that they wish to do with their child. Also, work around time off days, accordingly. The child can spend quality time with both parents. It is beneficial for both after all, parents love their children and want to be part of their lives.

Discipline Your Child Together

Disciplining your child is crucial for their overall development. Be it joys or difficult times, both parents need to be involved in their child’s life to make them feel loved and protected. Both parents sharing responsibilities will give no leeway to the child and not allow them to blame the other parent. It is essential to inculcate values and responsibilities in your child at a young age. A great understanding between parents and children is a sign of a healthy relationship.

Share the Expenses

Joint custody means sharing legal responsibilities of your child, including expenses. As the child visits both parents, specific needs arise at any moment, such as some stationery for a project or other things. Each parent must cover the of the child when with them. However, in a situation like when the child has been with an ex-spouse for a week and visits you with an urgent need to pay for a field trip, it must be divided.

More Time for Yourself

This is more like time off, and you can spend time doing what you like. Moreover, self-care is quite essential. You can plan outings with friends or participate in social clubs or activities.

Helps Your Child Understand Each Parent’s Individual Strengths

Both parents have legal rights to make decisions for their children. They will do accordingly, keeping in mind the best interest. It allows your kids to see the individual strengths of parents in making their relationships work. 

Divorce is difficult no matter at what stage you decide to part ways. It is not easy to lose someone you have loved and had a good time together. You’ve had some good times and embraced each other during adverse times. Divorce is a long road from emotional and financial aspects.

What is Alimony?

Alimony means payment and maintenance of a spouse, either by lump sum or ongoing basis in a divorce or legal separation. The idea is to provide alimony, support your spouse with lower income, and provide them with similar living standards enjoyed during their marriage. It is difficult for couples to come to terms emotionally during separation but gets even tougher with what follows. There are several questions about alimony and how it works. It can be either a court’s order or even a mutual agreement to support after the divorce. Remember, states use a different terms for alimony, such as spousal support or maintenance, but they all mean the same thing. State laws on alimony determine how it works, how judges decide when to award spousal support, and how much.

Who Gets Alimony?

Remember, it is not always about husbands must pay the alimony to support their wives. It can be done either way, for example, if the wife earns well and the husband needs support. It all depends on the spouse, and if they have a lower income and need financial help, they can ask for alimony. Meanwhile, alimony does not mean equalizing a divorced couple’s financial situation. It simply means to make sure that both spouses meet their financial needs.

Who Decides Alimony?

A judge weighs in many factors before deciding on alimony. They look at the earnings of both parties and if the party paying alimony can manage it. Also, whether the requesting party genuinely needs it or not. There are times people are ingenuine about their earnings to extract money. The party must request alimony rather than thinking they will get it by default. 

How Does Alimony Work?

If the court decides it, a date is fixed on which a specific amount is sent/received. Sometimes it is weekly or bi-weekly. The alimony payments will continue unless a life-changing event happens for the supported spouse, such as remarriage, cohabitating with another adult, a new-high paying job, retirement, or death.

Can You Avoid it?

Having a prenuptial agreement before or post-nuptial during the marriage can be helpful. The prenuptial or post-nuptial agreements include how much the alimony would be, how long you have to pay, and whether to write checks or use automatic payments. It is usually much easier to come to terms with agreements in a loving relationship than when going through a divorce. Shaffer Family Law can help you navigate through such difficult times. Our experienced legal attorneys can help you with legal advice in your best interests.

Teenagers are going through a lot with studies, peer pressure, hormonal changes, acne, and much more. To add a divorce can be a lot. Divorce is difficult no matter at what stage you decide to part ways. It is not easy to lose someone you have loved and had a good time together. You’ve had some good times and embraced each other during adverse times too.

Remember, children suffer a lot during a divorce. It becomes even more complicated when they are involved. To process parents parting ways is equally disturbing for children. Often younger children can express their dissatisfaction over divorce and the ongoing changes in their lives, but teenagers go into their shells and become stoic about the whole situation. Younger children’s behavior may vary depending on their personalities; some are likely to wet the bed while others may show in their behaviors. Teenagers are more likely to become distant from parents and show disapproval of their actions. They are more likely to rebel and find respite in substance abuse and other harmful things. They are undergoing several emotions and are more likely to act hastily and hurt their parents. It may be true for some but not all teenagers.

Teenagers are more likely to hide their emotions and their overall opinion. Imagine how teenagers feel when they must see one parent way lesser than the other. No matter how much more time they want to spend with their parent, they become quiet about it. Remember, it is difficult for everyone, and being a parent, it is your responsibility to make your teenager feel loved and part of everything. Here are some ways to ensure your children do not feel neglected but loved and part of your decisions.

Talk To Your Teenager

It is not easy for your teenager to witness both parents part ways. A teenager wants a loving home with both parents, and divorce can surround them with negative thoughts to the extent that they are responsible for it. It would help if you did not wait for them to understand the whole situation independently. It is your responsibility to talk and let them know the reason behind ongoing changes.

Be Supportive

Not only informing them but listening to them without any judgments as they would be affected by it. They must have their friends in the neighborhood or be involved in extracurricular activities such as music, arts, dance, self-defense training, and more. Moving to a new place and leaving behind older connections can be challenging. It would help if you assured them that they would get a chance to meet their old friends.

Give Them Space

Teens meeting family members or friends to share their feelings would allow them to express themselves in a safe environment. Putting restrictions and new ground rules can be challenging for them. It is better to let them have some space. 

Counselor

To seek guidance or help from a counselor to help your teenager through the whole divorce process. This allows teenagers to open up about what’s going on and how they feel about it. This would help them share their feelings and seek support in such critical times.             

Divorce is a long road, and if you are at the crossroads of your marriage, it is time to seek counseling and legal advice. Our attorneys are experts and provide legal advice in your and your family’s best interests. Schedule a consultation with Shaffer Family Law at (480) 470-3030  today.

No matter what one says otherwise, divorces are tough! If children, property, alimony, family pets, and other things are involved, it may be more challenging to sort out depending on the situation. It is hard to go through a divorce, both financially and emotionally. Even if you are familiar with divorce, it is not evident that everyone understands how the divorce process works. Without a thorough understanding, you won’t be able to make an informed decision on whether to litigate in court or settle your divorce out of court.

Each Case is Different

Divorces are different in each circumstance, so you can’t take cues from other people’s experiences. Some cases may be simple without any complications depending on both parties and how they deal with it, whereas the rest may not be. Depending on the extent of divorce, it can last months or even years and can involve many professionals in the process. Sometimes, a case may involve divorce attorneys, accountants, real estate experts, and consultants. Remember, much work goes in before both parties are willing to negotiate what they want from the divorce.

Negotiations Can Turn Tables 

Nearly 90-95% of divorce cases rarely move to trial. So, it entirely depends on both the parties and how much they are willing to negotiate in each circumstance. If a party is unwilling to negotiate to the other party’s terms in a divorce, they will find ways to either try or take it to court. It will all come down to negotiations and what works best for each party in a divorce.

If you are thinking of divorce, it is advisable to make an informed decision at every step of your life. Once you’ve made up your mind, going about the process is the most crucial part of it. This is where legal attorneys can help you navigate through the process. Our legal attorneys can help you at every step during such difficult times of your life. Remember, our experienced attorneys will ensure that every informed decision works out in your and your family’s best interests.

Shaffer Family Law can help and always thinks in your and your family’s best interests. To schedule a consultation, contact Shaffer Family Law at (480) 470-3030.          

When you are in love, age becomes just a number. Couples do not feel the difference in how old or young their partners are, as such things don’t mean anything compared to their relationships. It is said that when two people are dating, their romance overshadows all the differences. That’s how it goes, but honestly, it isn’t as simple as it sounds. There are differences among family members or friends who share different perspectives about such relationships. For example, sometimes family members or friends will judge a couple with more than ten years of difference where the man is older or vice-versa.

Research suggests men prefer to be older in their relationships and are more likely to divorce if they marry an older woman. At the same time, women are more likely to move forward with divorce if they are younger in their relationships. Studies show that people married at a young age are more likely to divorce. For example, if you are just 21 years old and consider marrying someone in their 30s, you could find yourself eventually heading to court. People with educational backgrounds and the same age are less likely to divorce. 

Are couples with age gaps likely to divorce? Well, maybe, but there is no straight answer! Also, there is no single reason to justify it. Several factors contribute to divorce and are not solely based on age. The others could be children, career, finances, and more. If there is a significant age gap between husband and wife, there is a chance that the older among the two may refuse to have children. People are wired differently, and age gap relationships don’t always end up on the same page. They could find themselves in different places in life. One person may be thinking about their career, while the other would be thinking about retirement due to their age. They might have been on the same page at the beginning of their relationship, but as time goes on, things change.

Divorce can be complex! If you or someone you know are thinking about divorcing your partner and need any help, our attorneys can help you navigate and provide you with legal advice in your best interests. You may schedule a consultation (480) 470-3030 to learn how we can help you during this difficult time.

Today, social media has become an essential part of our lives. Social media has both positive and negative effects on relationships. It has the potential to make or break relationships. It is a great platform to make newer connections and go to the extent of knowing them personally. Sometimes you may end up with good relations, while you may not the rest of the time. It keeps you updated about the world around you. Meanwhile, social media can also ruin your healthy relationship with your partner in many ways. It can be a massive roadblock in a healthy relationship.

About half of Americans in a married or committed relationship feel their partners are distracted by cell phones. Also, around 24% of adults in relationships are somewhat bothered by their partners’ spending time on social media. Social media can trigger conflicts among married couples or people in committed relationships. Some feel the partners cheat on them as they start a conversation with an old flame or find a new connection.

Some of the effects are:

No time for each other – If you are married, or in a committed relationship, it becomes crucial to take out time. It often happens that if you start scrolling through Instagram or Facebook feeds, you may end up using it for hours without realizing how much time you have spent. You may end up being on the phone longer than doing other activities. There are chances you might be missing moments that were worth spending. If this is your usual activity, your partner may be irritated by you.

Rekindling old flames – Couples likely have close friends or old flames they interact with on social media by liking their pictures or commenting on them. It can be bothersome for partners as there can be suspicion over the growing closeness on social media posts.

Cheating – Is the partner loyal? Is your partner cheating on you with colleagues, friends, or maybe some new connections? Not having enough time for your partner and spending a reasonable amount of time interacting with new people or others on social media can get you in deep trouble.

Over-sharing – Some people prefer sharing on social media, which can be worrisome if their partners do not like it. If a partner doesn’t prefer to share anything about their timeline of events on social media, the other is enthusiastic about it and shares. It is likely a cause of conflict among them.

Self-conscious – Social media reflects on people living larger than life. People having a good life with money, expensive cars, and whatnot can make some feel they are missing goals. There are chances that partners or couples can think over it and feel bad about themselves.

According to the Pew Research Center, divorce among younger adults is becoming less common while the gray divorce is rising. What do you mean by gray divorce? When an older couple over the age of 50, especially the baby boomers’ generation, after years of togetherness, gets divorced is called a “gray divorce.” A significant share of divorces occurs in people who have been married for 30 years and more.

Divorce is difficult no matter at what stage you decide to part ways. It is not easy to lose someone you have loved and had a good time together. You’ve had some good times and embraced each other during adverse times too. One of the most common myths of gray divorce is it is common among wealthy people. Divorce is a long road, and if you are at the crossroads of your marriage, it is time to seek counseling and legal advice. Our attorneys are experts and provide legal advice in your and your family’s best interests.  

It is always good to weigh in all your options, as divorce can also have some downsides at this stage of life. Financial security at an older age can be demanding as both men and women are more likely to be financially burdened and start all over again. We know no two marriages or circumstances are the same; each one consists of its own set of compromises or understanding to make the marriage work. But sometimes, in relationships, things appear straightforward, whereas, at other times, they don’t.  

Many reasons have led to a rise in gray divorces.

Postponed Divorces – Often, parents decide to stick around in marriages due to their children and divorce once they grow up. The children suffer the most as it becomes difficult to understand that they will not see their parents together. If it becomes hard to stay in the marriage, they decide to part ways.

Empty Nesters – Sometimes, couples do not find enough reasons to stay together once the children move out.    

Repeat Divorces – More likely second, third, or fourth divorce for the baby boomers’ generation. Divorce for people over 50 is 2.5 times more than people who have been married once.

Financial Independence – We are witnessing a shift in divorce trends as studies suggest that women between the ages of 40-69 initiate a divorce 66 percent of the time. The growing financial independence among women makes them decide and think for themselves if they feel unhappy in marriage.

General Dissatisfaction – With delayed retirement ages and longer life spans, people over 50 are unsatisfied in their marriages and more likely to divorce. 

Don’t forget there is increased anxiety and pressure if you are the one who did not initiate the divorce. It can be complex, but our attorneys can help you navigate and provide you with legal advice in your best interests.

Divorce is difficult no matter at what stage you decide to part ways. It is not easy to lose someone you have loved and had a good time together. You’ve had some good times and embraced each other during adverse times too. Valentine’s Day is all about love! It honors Saint Valentine and romanticizes the relationships, reflecting on their importance in life. With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it can be overwhelming for people thinking of filing a divorce or who have been divorced for years. Emotions can override your thoughts or decisions to file a divorce or deal with challenging times if divorced for years. While some people may be unaffected by Valentine’s Day, it can be difficult for some as love is in the air. 

Be it social media flooded with Valentine’s Day posts or all the buzz around discounts/special offers for the day, it can be tough to sail through with all the hype. The emotions are more likely to pull you back and make it hard to go on with your daily schedule. There are many ways to bounce back and focus on yourself than being carried away this Valentine’s Day.

Turn to your single friends or family – It is good to turn to your single friends and plan something together! Be it a lunch or night out, you can always turn to your single friends. People always have someone they can turn to, and it’s truly a blessing. It would help to make outdoor plans or chill with them over a series, movies, or maybe a game night without thinking much. Even if you don’t have any single friends, visit your family as there are no second thoughts about it. Just have a good time with your family. 

Self-care – Being alone at this time of the year can drain you emotionally, especially if you’ve divorced recently. You don’t have to wait for someone to make you feel good. Do it Yourself! Eat for mind and body wellness, exercise, sleep for seven to nine hours on average, meditate, set healthy boundaries, and manage stress. You can do things that make you happy, like spas, cosmetic treatments, or more. These are some ways you can be mindful and take good care. It doesn’t require much time or money but an urge to do things rather than a forced effort that you don’t enjoy.     

Do something creative – You can pick an activity such as gardening, learning a musical instrument, joining social clubs, cooking, painting, volunteering at animal shelters, or maybe connecting with nature at hike trails.

Events – Look for events happening on Valentine’s Day. Like musical concerts, paintball, an artist’s performance, and many other things you can think of. 

Dating App – Today, a dating app is a good tool to find new connections. Building that connection takes some time, but it is good to start. If you are looking for new connections, you could try out your favorite dating app and wait till you get a match! Overall, don’t be so hard on yourself and be happy.