Tips from Chandler family law attorney

The house often becomes the focal point of divorces, especially when both spouses know that they have committed years of income to the equity in the home and upgrades. Some people worry about losing a house that they have an emotional attachment to, while others focus more on the financial consequences of an unfavorable court ruling. If you are considering divorce, here are a few things to consider regarding your home in your divorce as an Arizona resident.

Arizona is a community property state

The judge overseeing your divorce will apply state law to your circumstances in the decisions made for your family. Community property laws require that the judge treat all assets and debts acquired during your marriage as both spouses own them. Usually, houses are in the community property category. Even if one spouse owned the home before getting married, they likely used marital assets to pay for taxes, utilities, and home maintenance. This could give the non-owner spouse a claim to at least some of the house’s value.

The house is not a win or lose the asset in your divorce

Like the limited-edition copy of your favorite movie, some property cannot get split by the courts in the divorce. While the actual house itself will not likely wind up divided, your equity in it most probably will. The courts can order that one spouse retains the property, but they will likely have to refinance it and pay some of the accrued equity to their ex. If the courts do not order someone to split the equity, they will use the value of the home to justify designating other assets to the person who does not get the house.

Keeping the house isn’t always the way that you win in a divorce

Many people focus on the house to win the divorce and punish their ex. However, keeping the house is not always the best solution. You will be living in a space where you have memories with your ex and dealing with the same community that you did when you were married, which can be a lot of baggage.

Staying in the family home can be helpful if you have primary custody of your kids, but many other people may find that asking for their share of equity rather than the house is a good step toward emotional closure. Regardless of what approach you plan to take to the home, you will want to plan to advocate for yourself during what can be a complicated process.

Alimony (spousal support or maintenance) refers to financial support payments one spouse makes to the other, either during or after a divorce. When married couples split, there are several types of alimony courts can award, including:

• temporary alimony – paid only while the divorce is pending
• short-term maintenance – for short-term marriages (a few years)
• rehabilitative support – which is paid until the supported spouse can find a way to become self-sufficient

All these types of spousal support have an end date, summarized in the couple’s marital settlement agreement or the finalized divorce judgment. Courts can also grant long-term alimony, something that is reserved for long-term marriages. This occurs when the supported spouse does not have time to support themselves. Permanent support can continue until someone dies.

In Arizona, the obligation to pay future alimony is terminated when the supported spouse remarries, but the paying spouse must file a petition or motion to end support. It does not apply to cohabitation. The paying spouse must file a motion to modify support, show a substantial and continuing change in circumstances, provide evidence relating to cohabitation’s economic nature, and prove that ex-spouse’s support needs have changed.

Receiving divorce papers unexpectedly is definitely a shock. Since women have been file for divorce 70 percent of the time, men aare usually the ones to be caught off guard being served papers at their home or work. Here are a few tips on what to you do after being served and how a divorce attorney can help you.

Remain calm

If you have children, do not keep them from your spouse since it may be held against you when finalizing custody arrangements. If there is has been abuse in the home, please consult with your lawyer. If you do not have a court order, you cannot legally keep your children from their other parent.

Do not involve the children

It does not look good for you if you try to involve your children in your disputes. Additionally, it is just not healthy for your children to feel as though they must decide between their parents. Any discussions about the divorce should be between you and your spouse. Furthermore, you should avoid making any negative about your spouse in the presence of the children.

Do not do anything to hurt your case

• Avoid domestic disputes or putting yourself in a position where the police are called – walk away before it escalates.
• Stay out of trouble since being charged with a crime, whether you are guilty of the crime or not, may hurt your case.
• Refrain from drugs and alcohol since this behavior is not viewed positively, especially when kids are involved. Also, when you are intoxicated, it tends to fuel emotions and impair judgment, causing severe mistakes.
• Stay off the internet, posting on social media or personal blogs. It could negatively impact your case, including comments with inappropriate language or pictures of you drinking or drunk.
• Try not to get into a new relationship while still married, even though your divorce is pending. It may potentially cause problems in getting custody of the children, especially if you live with a new partner.

Your children’s needs come first

Divorce and custody proceedings can be expensive, so anything you can agree on will save you time, money, and frustration. If you agitate your spouse, they may become unreasonable to spite you, ing you more money. Unfortunately, parents often have selfish motivations when it comes to their decisions and does not take the time to think about the best interests of their children. These selfish decisions can be exposed in court, so do what is in the children’s best interests.

See a divorce attorney

If your spouse has hired an attorney and served you with divorce papers, they are serious. You must recognize your rights and obligations under the law. If you fail to or decline to file an answer on time, you are in default. Default means you may lose your rights. Retaining an attorney who will protect you, your family, and your assets is the best option.

While representing yourself may seem like a way to save money, it can be a risky choice, especially for those with complicated cases. In addition to deadlines and  paperwork, representing yourself means understanding the laws around child custody in their state. Unfortunately, learning what you need to know about a case can take a lot of time. Here are some scenarios to look for when considering if you should hire a lawyer or not.

Your Ex Hired a Lawyer

If you know your ex has hired an attorney, then it may be time for you to consider hiring one for yourself. While having an attorney does not always mean things will get controversial, it is understandable to be nervous about other parent’s access to legal counsel. A custody lawyer has specific education and experience of family law to help you research and prepare for your case.

Circumstances of Your Case Have Significantly Changed

Sometimes you start with a simple case that gets more and more. If the circumstances have changed, may be time to consult with a lawyer. Some things can make you case more complicated, including: 

• A parent has remarrying or moving in with a new partner
• A parent turning confrontational
• A parent not following the custody agreement
• A parent relocating to another city, state, or country
• Evidence of domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect

You are Not Familiar with Family Law

Navigating a child custody case on your own requires a lot of research and planning. Attorneys, who must thoroughly understand the laws that apply to their case, are singularly responsible for keeping track of paperwork, deadlines, and court dates. They understand the court process and can help you understand each step of your case. Your attorney is not just a legal expert – they advocate for you. When you hire an experienced attorney, you can rest a little easier knowing someone who manages your case is looking out for your best interests.

Your Partner Changed Their Mind

If your ex has changed their mind about sharing custody or you believe that they will try to convince the court that you are are not able to take care of the kids on yoru own, you should talk to a lawyer. All courts use the best interests of the child when it comes to determining custody arrangements and the other parent generally must provide a substantial proof that you are unfit. And because the risk is so high in situations like these, it will benefit you to have representation.

Your Ex Prevents You from Seeing the Kids

If your ex is trying to get between your relationship with your kids, you should consider hiring an attorney. Whether your ex is blocking you from contacting your children, denying time you spent with them, or canceling at the last minute – these behaviors justify support from a lawyer who can help you solve this issue.

Enroll in Treatment or Take Classes

If the court is requiring you to take parenting classes, anger management classes, or to enroll in drug or alcohol treatment, then you are probably already at a disadvantage in the eyes of the court. In these situations, it is best to hire a lawyer to represent you. The only exception would be if all parents in your county or state must participate in parenting or anger management classes as a standard part of any child custody proceeding. Some jurisdictions require some parental education for all child custody cases, in which case, you will be on equal footing with your child’s other parent.

However, If the court has ordered treatment or classes outside of practice, that means the court has already deemed certain behaviors of yours a potential risk. It is unlikely that you will be able to get out of classes or treatment, they will be able to skillfully advocate for you and present your compliance, willingness to improve, and merits to the judge.

Surviving your divorce may seem impossible, but you can and will overcome it. Here are a few tips to follow to help you get through your divorce in one piece.

• Keep the hostility and conflict with your ex-spouse to a minimum, and do not look for reasons to get mad. The best thing to do is to be firm but reasonable when it comes to decisions.
• Do not put your child or children in the middle of drama with your ex-spouse. Communicate directly with your ex and try not to relay messages through your child. It is best to keep your child away from listening to any verbal aggressions or know about lawyers and court.
• Ask for recommendations for an attorney you can hire. It is a great way to find experts instead of selecting random names online. You should also talk to different attorneys to see if they can help you with your needs.
• Do not sign an agreement that causes you to second guess yourself. Please do not agree to something you think you will be able to change later because once a contract is in place, it is difficult to make adjustments.
• Find a good therapist for yourself who will help you as you struggle with feelings like guilt, fear, and anger. Going to therapy takes a lot of strength.
• Avoid starting a new romantic relationship during your divorce. It is a bad idea for many reasons and could complicate things.
• Co-parenting is a great arrangement, but both parents need to be fair and commit to making it work. It is the best parenting for kids if everyone is on the same page. It does require both parents to talk to each other regularly.
• Your child wants to love the both of you, so you will need to encourage that to happen. Do not undermine their relationship with their other parent. Hurting your ex will only lead to hurting your child too.
• The divorce process will conclude at some point, so you mustn’t say and do anything you will regret. Make the process as easy and rational as possible for your child, your ex, and your sanity.

Of course, not all tips apply to each person and situation. But it does help for you to think about your case. Divorce is a stressful and lonely time, but following a few practical steps can help you navigate the struggles of divorce. At Shafer Family Law in Chandler, we are here to help you get through your divorce as smoothly and quickly as possible. If you are interested in scheduling a consultation to discuss your case, give us a call today at (480) 470-3030.

No matter how old your children are, your divorce is going to be hard for them. Younger kids often struggle to understand and accept changes, while older kids and teens may understand but still end up resentful. Unless things are different, you and your ex may find yourselves sharing custody in the future. Here some tips to help bring stability to you and your children’s lives. Here are some things to keep in mind for your children:

Do not Put Your Kids in the Middle

One important thing to do is to not complain about each other or get into fights in front of the children. Instead of showing them you are divided, focus on staying positive and encourage them to want to spend time with their other parent. Please do not make them feel like they must choose between you.

Make Communication a Priority

You and your ex need to keep one another fully informed about what you do while you have the children and share any critical information involving the children, like school conflicts. You can share most of this written form, either email or text message. If you cannot keep cordial, you may consider using a facilitated custody communication program.

Make Consistent Rules for Both Households

Consistency and structure are vital to the success and development of children. While a routine at one home may be stable, it could be undermined if the other parent is not following the same rules. You need to standardize your approach to parenting, from discipline to screen time.

Move Past Your Marriage

Because you share children, you are going to have to see one another frequently. Even when your children become adults, you will have to interact throughout the rest of your lives. You both will want to be at birthday parties, spend time with grandkids, attend graduations, and so much more. It is essential to take the time to process your feelings. Consider getting help from therapy or even support groups to cope and move forward as co-parents.

Suppose you have been recently divorced or are about to end your marriage. In that case, the holiday season is probably a difficult time of year, especially for those adjusting to significant changes in their life. You may have always spent every major holiday with your children and extended family but find yourself sad around this time of year since it is a reminder of your unsuccessful marriage. The holidays do not have to be depressing for newly separated or divorced individuals. Here are a few ways you can cope and have a happy holiday after going through a divorce.

Do not Worry About Perfection

Don’t worry about having the best holiday; enjoy yourself in any way that works with your new lifestyle post-divorce. Do not fall into a self-pity cycle, which can be self-defeating and will only make you feel worse. If you are alone this holiday, take this as an opportunity to do something you have always wanted to do but could never in your marriage.

Diet & Exercise Can Relieve Stress

If you feel holiday stress because you are worried about being alone, you should try eliminating or limiting foods to increase anxiety symptoms. Meals high in dairy, red meat, caffeine, sugar, and alcohol may improve anxiety symptoms. Focus on dishes with plenty of vegetables, fruits, starches, legumes, whole grains, and fish, which have calming effects. Regular exercise can also impact a person’s emotional state.

Get Creative with Your Holiday Gifts

Gift-giving is an essential part of the holiday season, but you do not have to go the commercial route. High prices and large crowds are a significant stress source for many people, but especially recent divorcees. Instead of going to a mall or buying from Amazon, give out more personal gifts. Whether it is a handwritten letter or an object of great significance, it is something that comes from the heart, and your loved one will be thrilled to receive the gift.

Our legal team at Shaffer Family Law is here for those that need legal advice involving family law, divorce, or child custody. Do not hesitate to give us a call at (480) 470-3030 to request a consultation with our legal team.

When spouses refuse to sign divorce papers, the partner seeking a divorce will need to get a contested divorce. A contested divorce requires a hearing in which both spouses can present evidence. If one spouse does not appear or is not able to be contacted in time for the hearing, the judge may make judgment in favor of the other spouse.

If your spouse does show up to court, the judge will issue a divorce decree based on evidence and testimony presented. When spouses refuse to sign divorce papers, the spouse seeking a divorce needs to obtain a contested divorce. To do this, they will need to file a petition in the family court in their jurisdiction. The only spouse that needs to sign is the one filing for the divorce, though they must also formally notify the other spouse by serving the divorce papers.

When it comes to a divorce situation, serving divorce papers means that someone is given documentation stating that their spouse has filed for divorce. They are also given a chance to appear. If you are filing for divorce or in the negotiating process, you get help from an experienced family law attorney at Shaffer Family Law in Chandler. 

If divorce only involved you and your ex, you could go your separate ways. You no longer have to deal with arguing or fighting to be heard. But if you have children, co-parenting without talking will not be so convenient. Compared to custody and parenting arrangements from only a few decades ago, co-parenting has wholly changed. Today, split custody is standard, with the focus being on what is best for the children.

The crucial part of co-parenting is healthy communication. And while you may have divorced because of poor communication, it may seem impossible for the two of you to cooperate now. There can be several reasons that parents do not talk after their divorce – usually because of personal schedules, new partners, shame, conflicting communication styles, and even dislike for one another. There are alternative parenting options to co-parenting, but you and your ex will have extra challenges if there is no communication. And no matter which approach you choose, the needs of your child should also go first. Co-parenting can only work with healthy communication.

A few critical components to healthy co-parenting include:

• Open dialogue between parents
• No bad-mouthing the other parent
•  Consistent rules in both households
• Cordial interactions at school and in public

Raising kids demands a lot of communication, so in reality, co-parenting without talking is impossible. But communication can be packaged in a variety of ways. If you and your ex are committed to co-parenting instead of sole guardianship, you will need to rise to the occasion. You may not feel great having to talk to or be nice in person, but choose how you will communicate, whether it is texting, emails, online schedulers, and commit to doing so in a healthy way.

Life after a divorce or separation requires many adjustments, including learning to live without a partner again. While living without your partner may be exciting at first, mostly if it were a tough divorce, you would not know how you’ll handle it until that first night alone after you move in, lock the door for the night, and get into bed, when it is more like to all hit you.

Loneliness after a divorce is common and even expected. Even though it didn’t work out, you shared a life with them and planned a future together. Divorce and bring up a lot of strong emotions, many often lead to feeling lonely. What are the causes, and what can help you manage these feelings after a divorce?

Common causes when feeling lonely after a divorce

Grief, sadness, and anger

Divorce can cause emotional rollercoaster. Emotions like grief, sadness, and even anger are common, and these emotions may cause you to pull away from others and isolate yourself. This isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness.

Separation from family and friends

Divorce usually means becoming separated from groups of friends and extended family, especially those you met through your ex. These people were an essential part of your shared life, and there is a chance that they are completely gone from your new life. Additionally, many divorces mean that a pet will be going with one partner and not the other. If you were close to that pet and it is no longer around, you can be left feeling alone.

Child custody

When children are involved in a divorce, there are often custody issues to handle, and they may not always come out in your favor. If you share custody with an ex, there will be times you find yourself alone without your children, which can contribute to feelings of loneliness after divorce.

Alone During the Holidays

Many couples and families have regular holiday traditions, often shared with family and friends. Divorce and break-ups can change all that. When those holidays come around, they may bring with them post-relationship loneliness.

How to deal with loneliness after a relationship ends

Accept post-relationship loneliness

Suddenly, you have lost someone important in your life. Not only are they physically gone, but their emotionally gone as well. It is common to feel disconnected and alienated from others, incredibly close mutual friends, and in-laws. While you grieve and heal from your split, it is common to experience periods of loneliness. It is a standard part of the process in moving forward.

Avoid rebounding

Do not let loneliness after your breakup or divorce push you to dive into another relationship too quickly. If you are using a rebound relationship to avoid loneliness or a break-up’s emotions, you may want to reconsider. Instead, spend time healing time with yourself before embarking again on the dating path.

Join a support group for divorced people

You are not alone when it comes to dealing with the aftermath of a divorce. Therapy groups can offer you a way to get help and understanding from others going through a similar experience. Loneliness after divorce is quite common, and chances are good, you will discover others in your situation who are willing to talk, listen, and offer advice.

Start a new routine

Losing a relationship means your regular daily routine has drastically changed. The longer the marriage, the more established that day-to-day routine likely became. A split can suddenly upend all of that and leave you feeling directionless. If you exercised regularly, get back to it. Exercise is a great way to boost endorphins, which can make you feel happier. Plan out a new routine for yourself to help balance some of the factors contributing to any lonely feelings.

Be good to yourself

Find special things that make you happy. Try going on a walk or hike, a bubble bath, some yoga, reading a good book, or listening to your favorite music. Whatever brings you joy, spend the time doing it. Building good habits can help you thrive when your relationship ends.

How long do feelings of loneliness after a divorce last?

Feelings of loneliness after a divorce will last depending on several factors. Feelings of social isolation and disconnection from others may not be constant but may come and go. For most people, the loneliness that occurs after a divorce is temporary and part of the healing process. If loneliness seems never-ending, it may be time to get help from a therapist or another health care provider.